Vegan MoFo: You have given me cake when I have asked for bread and butter!

It's tea time!
Here's my vegan confession: when I first thought about changing my diet, I was planning on becoming 95% vegan, but allowing myself a little cheese at fancy restaurants every so often, and Devonshire cream whenever I went to tea in England. When I realized that I could be 100% vegan and be happy (and take a load off my conscious), the only thing I thought I would really miss was clotted cream. It's not that I have any special affection for raw milk goo; it's just that it's such a quintessential part of tea time. To miss the clotted cream is to miss the experience.

Fortunately, you can't actually get Devonshire cream outside of England--as aforementioned, it's made with raw milk, which makes it both not vegan and not legal. I grew up watching my mom make a substitute with cream cheese, so I decided to get out the Tofutti and see what I could do.

I didn't want to just add sugar to my vegan cream cheese. First of all, it's rather uncreative, second of all, my Mom's fake clotted cream was always a little too sweet and tangy--sorry Mom! But I admit, I didn't exactly do a whole lot more than that. Clotted cream is mostly fat anyway, so Earth Balance seemed like the perfect addition to mellow out the cream-cheesey taste of the Tofutti. A small amount of sugar evened out the sourness (is that a word? It looks misspelled), and a little bit of soy creamer smoothed it all out.

The verdict? I personally had to restrain myself from eating it with a spoon before my guests arrived, but I'm glad I did, because they both had two scones (orange-glazed from Vegan with a Vengeance) and positively slathered them with my clotted non-cream. One friend told me that she couldn't taste a difference between my concoction and the Devonshire cream she ate in England. Another friend, a self-proclaimed carnivore (he claims to be unable to make a salad without bacon grease. I claim that if it weren't for all the coke he does, he'd be fat), was still raving about tea time chez Gwenlet at a party a week later. Mission accomplished!

This isn't much of a recipe, but it does seem to be the magic formula, so it is with great pleasure that I share it with you:

Clotted Non-Cream
2 Tbsp. Earth Balance, cold
2 Tbsp. Tofutti Cream Cheese, cold
1 Tbsp. Vanilla soy creamer
1 Tbsp. + 1 tsp. powdered sugar

Mix all ingredients together in a small bowl (or large cup) until they’re incorporated. Mix with a hand blender to remove all the chunks. Let sit in the refrigerator for 10 minutes or more to thicken before serving. Serve with scones and a British dialect.